If we were to recast the characters of Star Wars into new movies today, in what movies would they appear?

Darth Vader in “The Expendables III”

1. Darth Vader would reappear with the Joker, Hannibal Lecter, Lord Voldemort, Norman Bates and Michael Corleone as a part of the villainous recast of “The Expendables”.

 

Han Solo in “Armageddon Remade”

2. Han Solo would appear in “Armageddon Remade” in which Harrison Ford and Bruce Willis die in a fiery death together, saving the world from unknown asteroids and leaving young women swooning at their aging manliness.

 

Princess Leia in “Cathouse the Movie”

3. Princess Leia would star in a movie version of HBO’s series “Cathouse” wherein geeky young men would be able to not just “pretend” they were sleeping with Princess Leia, but would shockingly actually sleep with Princess Leia. Preferably the young version, right out of the movie.

 

Obi Wan in “Celebrity Rehab the Movie”

4. Obi Wan would reappear on a movie version of Dr. Drew, Celebrity Rehab, offering life counciling for those poor adrift celebs that can’t seem to get or stay straight. His sage wisdom may not have helped Anakin, but certainly the celebs should benefit from some “let the force be with you”.

 

Yoda in “ET II”

5. Yoda would join the cast of E.T. II saying things like “phone home, you must”.   They would both ride off into the sunset together, moving to Massachusetts where they could have their relationship legally recognized. And, by the way, if that seems like “not that far of a stretch”, that’s because ET did actually appear in Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace.