{"id":8033,"date":"2011-04-26T11:11:05","date_gmt":"2011-04-26T11:11:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thisblogrules.com\/?p=8033"},"modified":"2011-04-28T22:55:01","modified_gmt":"2011-04-28T22:55:01","slug":"royal-wedding-toast-advice-for-windsors-and-middletons-alike","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/royal-wedding-toast-advice-for-windsors-and-middletons-alike\/","title":{"rendered":"Royal Wedding Toast Advice for Windsors and Middletons Alike"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"british_royal_family\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cThe speech will be like any best man’s speech,\u2026dig him in the ribs a bit and embarrass him – make him lose a bit of hair.\u201d<\/p>\n

Prince Harry to Bob Woodruff. Good Morning America, March 31, 2011<\/p>\n

Harry, you\u2019re an epic bro and a prince among dudes but your toast is heading into dangerous territory, and not the cool, action hero kind you visit for a living. In fact, Team William and Team Kate could use some schooling on toasts at family weddings.\u00a0 We know you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWho do these Yanks think they are? Australians?\u201d We\u2019ve never been to England or eaten a crumpet. However, Redbox, News of the World, and years of watching Dr. Phil qualify us to help\u2026again (just like WW1 and WW2)<\/p>\n

We get it; he\u2019s the first born and the third Windsor standing between you and the crown. It\u2019s only Shakespearian that you want to jab at him. Yet, who\u2019s more beloved than a sibling? We suggest a self help intensive. A dark night of the soul devoted to purging toxicity will free you to display bromantic feelings. Sir Elton will be there, just look into his eyes for support. There\u2019s a knight who knows when to drop his armor.<\/p>\n

Pippa, girl, whether you\u2019ll speak at Buckingham Palace or spoke earlier at Kate\u2019s hen party, we hope you\u2019re not too shy to give a maid of honor toast at all. While you\u2019re not marrying a prince (that\u2019ll change if mama has her way), you\u2019re certainly not dropping out of university in a French maid\u2019s outfit so you can bake 21 cakes for Hello! magazine\u2019s 21st birthday, like your brother James. You\u2019re a sweet, loyal kid sister who runs errands in knee-high boots. You\u2019re Anne Hathaway in every romantic comedy except Princess Diaries, but don\u2019t let that make you feel like a commoner. We did our research and came up with an affirmation for you: \u201cI\u2019m the lady in waiting who doesn\u2019t have to curtsy; I\u2019m fragrant, tall and climbing high as a wisteria vine; I come from plane folk-doors to manual!\u201d If you stick with it, we\u2019re sure you could rock Buck House hard. You might become popular!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Props to William for having the Ninth Earl of Spencer speak. E9\u2019s an author and broadcast journalist. He\u2019s also the groom\u2019s late mother\u2019s brother, so he\u2019ll be there to represent. A lame choice would be an uncle who\u2019s notorious for an over the top lifestyle including drugs and prostitutes. That eliminates two. It\u2019d be chill if Fergie spoke, but she\u2019ll be in Milwaukee with the rest of the Black Eyed Peas.<\/p>\n

We can\u2019t decide whether it\u2019s better to be Defender of the Faith and Future King of England, or a multimillionaire who owns a direct mail party favor business with his wife and can still get an employee discount on British Airways. Judging by toast difficulty, it would be a tossup.<\/p>\n

A father of the bride\u2019s speech offers insight into his daughter. Mike, it\u2019s tempting to just Google her, but the bad press depicts her as a calculating social climber who seduced William with a see-through dress, and the good press portrays her as dull and unambitious. Your challenge is to say something new that reflects the kind of wife, mother, and Queen of England she\u2019ll be. That story about falling down in a roller disco wearing yellow hot pants might be the stuff.<\/p>\n

His Royal Highness\u2019 task is to give a light hearted speech discussing his relationship with his son, which up until now has remained one of the great mysteries of the House of Windsor. Obviously they get along, if not, wouldn\u2019t the press report that? Unless that 17th century royal decree making it punishable by beheading is still in effect. Charlie, you\u2019ve been speaking publicly since you were a Little Prince, but then again we heard your secret tape to Camilla regarding a desire to be her feminine product. Talking about your child is different. Ask any teenager.<\/p>\n

The fathers should meet for a brew to hash it out. Pub or palace, it\u2019s all good.<\/p>\n

And now, the Bridegroom\u2019s toast. If you were a normal guy, Wills, all you\u2019d have to do is thank the bride\u2019s parents for producing a smoking hot babe, then thank the guests for hanging, and finally toast the attendants and give them some swag. Mainly the tax payers of England and your grandma are throwing this shin dig, so we suggest you use most of your speech to thank them. You could write thank you cards to 80 million people, we\u2019re sure they\u2019d be cool with that, but we don\u2019t see that flying with the old lady. Unfortunately, we have no experience toasting HRM. You\u2019re on own for that one, stiff upper lip and Expecto Patronum!<\/p>\n

Cheerios, Your Royal Familyness!<\/p>\n

Article by Christopher Korbel & Katrin Kern of Make-A-Toast.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cThe speech will be like any best man’s speech,\u2026dig him in the ribs a bit and embarrass him – make him lose a bit of hair.\u201d Prince Harry to Bob Woodruff. 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