{"id":7772,"date":"2011-04-05T10:09:27","date_gmt":"2011-04-05T10:09:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thisblogrules.com\/?p=7772"},"modified":"2011-04-08T03:26:03","modified_gmt":"2011-04-08T03:26:03","slug":"top-five-worst-vampires","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/","title":{"rendered":"Top Five Worst Vampires"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Vampires are back and bigger than ever, unfortunately largely due to what might be considered by some (come on, I\u2019m sure I\u2019m not alone here) to be rather unfavorable depictions. Vampires used to be scary, badass or just plain mean, and we were okay with that. But times have changed. Do we really want our children to grow up in a world where vampires are the pansies of the supernatural stable, sparkling in the sunlight and drinking down more angst than red stuff? I think not. I mean, your grandma would probably be able to steal the majority of today\u2019s vampires\u2019 blood money without a second thought. In short, today\u2019s vampires suck, and not in a good way. Ready your stakes; it\u2019s time to perform some mercy-slayings.<\/p>\n

1. Edward Cullen (the Twilight<\/em> saga)<\/strong><\/p>\n

The worst of the worst by far. A sparkly-skinned stalker whose capacity for angst knows no bounds, Edward spends the majority of his screen (and page) time mooning over Bella for no good reason (seriously, what\u2019s so special about her?) Like her, he has few flaws (or at least those referred to in the narrative; I could give you plenty), conveniently embodying every tweenage girl\u2019s fantasy.<\/p>\n

Still, at least Robert Pattinson knows the truth, saying that when he read Twlight<\/em> he \u201cwas convinced Stephenie [Meyer] was convinced she was Bella and it was like it was a book that wasn’t supposed to be published. It was like reading her sexual fantasy… sometimes you would feel uncomfortable reading this thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

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“Thing” is definitely the right word, Robert. Good luck on rebuilding your life post-Twilight.<\/p>\n

2. Bill Compton (True Blood<\/em>)<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>First off, let me point out that True Blood<\/em> is essentially Twilight<\/em> for adults. That said, Bill is pretty much a grown up Edward Cullen. While not quite so limp (no, that\u2019s not what I meant), he exhibits the same propensity for angst and painstakingly avoids drinking human blood (admittedly the True Blood<\/em> drink itself was kind of a good idea, but still.) Him and his squeeze Ms. Stackhouse also have the same weird \u201cWhy can’t I read your mind?!\u201d<\/em> thing going on between them as Edward and Bella (albeit with the genders reversed). And if I hear him say \u201cSOOKEH\u201d one more time…<\/p>\n

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3. Kraven (Underworld<\/em>)<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>In short, a whiny little piece of guano.<\/p>\n

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The only survivor of a huge battle between vampires and werewolves, he was strategically offered power, glory and, most important, his prolonged unlife (\u201ccraven\u201d does mean cowardly, after all) if he promised to claim that the leader of the Lycans was dead. Somehow managing to claw his way to the top of the vampire hierarchy (certainly not with his raw charisma), he gets repeatedly rejected by protagonist Selene before ultimately getting slain by the one remaining vampire elder he just happened to be about to attempt to assassinate. Also he has this utterly hilarious angry\/pouting\/serious face he likes to pull; watch any scene with him in it and chances are you\u2019ll see it.<\/p>\n

4. Harmony Kendall (Buffy the Vampire Slayer<\/em>)<\/strong><\/p>\n

A spoiled little rich girl turned vampire. Yes, it\u2019s really as horrifying as it sounds. Admittedly Harmony is meant to be \u2013 and is \u2013 quite funny, rather than being unintentionally laughter-inducing like the rest of this list.<\/p>\n

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With her obsession with unicorns, her misguided relationship with \u201cblondie-bear\u201d (that\u2019s Spike to you and me) and the way in which she fights by kicking shins and pulling hair (who can forget her epic \u201cbattle\u201d with Xander in The Initiative?), Harmony would have been dusted several times over if not for various other characters\u2019 timely interventions.<\/p>\n

5. Louis de Pointe du Lac (Interview with the Vampire<\/em>)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Arguably the original broody vampire. After spending some time as an almost equally broody human, Louis is turned into a vampire by Lestat (who knows what he saw in him), promptly refusing to feed from humans and instead languishing\u00a0under layer after layer of hardcore existential angst.<\/p>\n

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If nothing else, Anne Rice can be credited with sowing the (decidedly gothic) seeds for the majority of popular modern vampire mythos… plus at the end of day (night?) Lestat is a pretty amusing character (hey, at least he’s not a wimp like Louis). In the exasperated words of his sire: \u201cStill whining, Louis?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ella is hoping that none of the upcoming 3DS<\/a> games feature any sorry excuses\u00a0for bloodsuckers, for then not even glasses free stereoscopic 3D will save\u00a0them from her merciful wrath.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Vampires are back and bigger than ever, unfortunately largely due to what might be considered by some (come on, I\u2019m sure I\u2019m not alone here) to be rather unfavorable depictions. Vampires used to be scary, badass or just plain mean, and we were okay with that. But times have changed. Do we really want our […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":36,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":""},"categories":[20,211],"tags":[1712,1709,1710,1718,1719,1708,1716,1711,1707,1703,1713,1705,1715,1717,1706,1704,1714],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","yoast_head":"\nTop Five Worst Vampires 2023 | This Blog Rules<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Vampires are back and bigger than ever, unfortunately largely due to what might be considered by some (come on, I\u2019m sure I\u2019m not alone here) to be rather\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\">\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"4 minutes\">\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/\",\"name\":\"This Blog Rules | Why go elsewhere?\",\"description\":\"Leading Entertainment Blog and Daily Source for Fun\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/?s={search_term_string}\",\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/#primaryimage\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/www.thisblogrules.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/03\/EntrevistacomoVampiro-WallpapperbySixSuicideParty-03-e1300689867532.jpg\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/\",\"name\":\"Top Five Worst Vampires 2023 | This Blog Rules\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/#primaryimage\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-04-05T10:09:27+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2011-04-08T03:26:03+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/#\/schema\/person\/bf47ea75ce93786f2b344fab10146e40\"},\"description\":\"Vampires are back and bigger than ever, unfortunately largely due to what might be considered by some (come on, I\\u2019m sure I\\u2019m not alone here) to be rather\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"item\":{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/\",\"name\":\"Home\"}},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"item\":{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/top-five-worst-vampires\/\",\"name\":\"Top Five Worst Vampires\"}}]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/#\/schema\/person\/bf47ea75ce93786f2b344fab10146e40\",\"name\":\"Anne Burwell\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/#personlogo\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4e1402fce821a26339b706a618fc018b?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Anne Burwell\"},\"description\":\"Daughter, sister, wife, mother and writer. I spend half of my free time writing and the other half reading contemporary literature. I like to start my day with half an hour of yoga and then I head over to my desk with a cup of green tea to start working on my sci fi novel. 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