{"id":24287,"date":"2014-11-22T08:52:42","date_gmt":"2014-11-22T14:52:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thisblogrules.com\/?p=24287"},"modified":"2014-11-20T09:04:21","modified_gmt":"2014-11-20T15:04:21","slug":"strange-accessories-virtually-guarantee-disastrous-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/strange-accessories-virtually-guarantee-disastrous-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"The Strange Accessories That Virtually Guarantee a Disastrous Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"

Is it time yet to go stark raving bonkers and feverishly buy anything Christmas-related we can get our hands on?<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s still some time to go before Christmas but it seems safe to suggest that you already know that the festive season is going to be a disaster. Why? Because you love strange Christmas accessories like these.<\/p>\n

The Santa Whisky Dispenser<\/b><\/h2>\n

\"Strange<\/p>\n

This festive abomination is wrong on so many levels that it is hard to know where to begin. Ok, for a start you know that letting the whisky flow freely over Christmas is a passport to vomit in the turkey and people scrabbling about on the floor fighting after lunch, don\u2019t you? Then there\u2019s the fact that the alcohol liquid is being squirted (somewhat forcefully, I might add) out of his private parts. This is all going to end messily.<\/p>\n

An Unusual Christmas Decoration<\/b><\/h2>\n

\"Strange<\/p>\n

There are some things in life that are worth experimenting with. Pasta, for example. Why not try adding some extra cheese to your Carbonara or stick some olives in your Bolognese? There is little to nothing that can go wrong. However, when we cast our world-weary glance at Christmas decorations we can see that most innovations aren\u2019t so smart. Adding your car to the Christmas display outside your home is certainly ground-breaking but trust me on this one; stick to the damned pasta if you don\u2019t want a disastrous Christmas.<\/p>\n

Strange Christmas Music<\/b><\/h2>\n

\"Strange<\/p>\n

Scientists have already confirmed that festive music is officially the worst thing ever invented by mankind. If you really want to torture your loved ones with some Christmas tunes then be sure to stay away from twee horrors like this one.<\/p>\n

The Baby Christmas Tree<\/b><\/h2>\n

\"Strange<\/p>\n

If the little fellow is celebrating his first Christmas you\u2019ll want him to feel part of this special occasion. I know, why not cram him inside an infeasible Christmas tree outfit? You can guarantee that within 10 minutes he will fall over and start crying, causing everyone to get a headache and sucking the life out of the festive season.<\/p>\n

A Christmas Poo for a Christmas Disaster<\/b><\/h2>\n

\"Strange<\/p>\n

There is nothing quite like a poo hanging off your tree to get you in the festive spirit, is there? You can just imagine the look of delight on the kids\u2019 faces when they run excitedly downstairs on a frosty Christmas morn and see this charmingly brown Christmas accessory staring them in the face.<\/p>\n

A Christmas Chicken<\/b><\/h2>\n

\"Strange\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If there is one thing that screams \u201cMerry Christmas\u201d to me it is a rubber chicken. Preferably with a Santa suit on. This is quite simply a bizarre and frankly unwanted way of celebrating the festive season. The only reassuring thing about it is the fact that the box proudly states \u201cactual size\u201d.\u00a0 Yeah, because a slightly smaller rubbed chicken decoration would just totally ruin Christmas for everyone.\u00a0 It\u2019s almost enough to have you heading straight to Santa\u2019s genitals for another whisky.<\/p>\n

A Christmas Tree Hat<\/b><\/h2>\n

\"Strange<\/p>\n

Putting a silly hat on your head is a fantastic way of saying to the world, \u201cHey, I\u2019m utterly wacky and I don\u2019t care who knows about it\u201d. If you want to look like a fool over Christmas lunch then there are few better ways of doing it.<\/p>\n

Christmas Dinner in a Can<\/b><\/h2>\n

\"Strange<\/p>\n

If life has taught us one thing by now it is that a self-heating Christmas dinner in a can is not going to end well. This is a festive disaster just waiting to happen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Is it time yet to go stark raving bonkers and feverishly buy anything Christmas-related we can get our hands on? There\u2019s still some time to go before Christmas but it seems safe to suggest that you already know that the festive season is going to be a disaster. Why? Because you love strange Christmas accessories […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[56,6416,6417,6418],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","yoast_head":"\nThe Strange Accessories That Virtually Guarantee a Disastrous Christmas 2023 | This Blog Rules<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"There\u2019s still some time to go before Christmas but it seems safe to suggest that you already know that the festive season is going to be a disaster. Why? 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