{"id":12907,"date":"2012-02-21T13:48:10","date_gmt":"2012-02-21T13:48:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thisblogrules.com\/?p=12907"},"modified":"2012-02-22T01:49:27","modified_gmt":"2012-02-22T01:49:27","slug":"the-5-most-egregious-charlie-sheen-roles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thisblogrules.com\/the-5-most-egregious-charlie-sheen-roles\/","title":{"rendered":"The 5 Most Egregious Charlie Sheen Roles"},"content":{"rendered":"

Charlie Sheen\u2026.well, what more can be said about Charlie that hasn\u2019t already been said a thousand times? I mean, let\u2019s face it: the guy is not connected with the real world.<\/p>\n

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But that\u2019s not what this article is about. You won\u2019t see jokes about tiger blood or winning here, so if you came for that, you should leave and change as a person because seriously, what\u2019s wrong with you? Now that those unfortunates are banished, we can focus on what this article is really about: pointing and laughing at stupid things Charlie Sheen pulled in the movies.<\/p>\n

5. The Three Musketeers<\/strong><\/p>\n

Picture, if you will, the four actors that, in your opinion, would form the worst combination of Musketeers in movie history. Do you have it? Now, Walt Disney has taken your idea of horrible, and laughed at it, before saying, \u201cGet a load of this\u201d:<\/p>\n

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That is, from left to right, Jack Bauer, Charlie Sheen, Robin, and George Steinbrenner. Now, I can look beyond the fact that it looks as if that\u2019s a high school clique, what with the hair growing everywhere and the adorable fat guy on the far right. I\u2019m even willing to look beyond the fact that Charlie Sheen is Aramis, lover of Truth, Honor, and Jesus, all three of which Charlie is opposed to at all times, and as such, wears a gaudy cross on his uniform that I\u2019m surprised doesn\u2019t burn him.<\/p>\n

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What I can\u2019t get over, what irks me more than anything, is that a guy manages to shoot Charlie Sheen in this movie, right in the chest, but he didn\u2019t die. The bullet was deflected by the gigantic cross he wore around his neck. Charlie Sheen, one of the world\u2019s truly godless people, was saved by Jesus paraphernalia.<\/p>\n

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It just figures this guy can\u2019t even kill a man correctly.<\/p><\/div>\n

4. Red Dawn<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let the record reflect that for the most part, I have no problems with this movie. Any time a group of teenagers kill the crap out of some communists in the mountains and feature Patrick Swayze strutting around being all badass, I\u2019m a happy guy. However, the Johnny Raincloud to Swayze\u2019s buoyant personality is his supposed brother, Charlie.<\/p>\n

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That\u2019s Charlie\u2019s \u201cserious\u201d face.<\/p><\/div>\n

First of all look at that picture. Do those two look even remotely related? Most of the time siblings, particularly brothers, tend to look kinda sorta similar to each other. The only way Charlie and Patrick could look more different is if one of them was missing a nose. Now, I\u2019m not saying they aren\u2019t related, I\u2019m just saying they should probably ask Mom if she slipped any milkmen the tongue at some point. As for the rest of the movie, all I have to say is this: if you\u2019re going to kill Charlie Sheen off in a movie, at least give us the satisfaction of showing him die so we can cackle at the guy. I mean, jeez.<\/p>\n

3. Young Guns<\/strong><\/p>\n

There was a time in the 1980s when the women of America swooned over a group of young male actors who appeared in a lot of the same movies together, known collectively as The Brat Pack. There was also a time in the 1980s when the women of America swooned over cowboys in movies. The geniuses in Hollywood came to a shocking conclusion: combine them both and create a cash cow of a movie that makes women wet themselves and their boyfriends jealous. The result? Young Guns.<\/p>\n

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There\u2019s Kiefer, again sporting a regrettable beard. Lou Diamond Phillips appears in this movie because this was an age when Lou Diamond Phillips was a bankable actor, and the whole gang is led by Charlie\u2019s brother Emilio Estevez, notorious leader of the Brat Pack (in real life) and the cowboy gang in the movie. He\u2019s Billy the Kid, of course. And then there\u2019s Charlie. He plays a guy named Dick, naturally, and is the first boss of their posse until someone finally manages to kill Charlie onscreen, violently.<\/p>\n