If nothing new were ever invented mankind’s evolution would stagnate and we would all be in trouble. Before we knew it the stock markets would collapse, companies would go bust and cats would rule the world. However, given the choice I think that living under a brutal feline dictatorship might be preferable to using some of the worst inventions ever to be inflicted up us.

Vibrating Weight Loss Belts

So, you want to lose weight. Hey, I’ve got an idea for you; do some exercise. You might also want to consider, like, eating less. Alternatively, you could stick on a belt which vibrates and makes your belly wobble. That ought to do it too.

Disposable Diapers

Ok, so there are lots of lazy parents out there who think that I am unspeakably evil for even suggesting that disposable diapers are among the worst inventions ever. Let’s weigh up the pros and cons then, shall we? Millions of steaming, stinking diapers filling up landfill sites all over the planet and taking centuries to break down vs. getting your hands a bit dirty washing a cloth diaper. Hmmm.

Twitter

I don’t mind being classed as a technologically backwards hillbilly with no street cred so I’ll just come out and say it; Twitter sucks. Being forced to write messages in 140 characters or less will be the death of the written and spoken language. Thanks to this stupid invention we will soon all be speaking in a type of staccato shorthand which will have Shakespeare and Dickens spinning in their graves.

Crocs

I hated them the first time I saw them and I hate them now. Someone once lied to me and said that they are the most comfortable shoes ever. They aren’t. Actually, they might be but I don’t care, as you’ll never see me put one on. You can add overly furry boots to the list of the worst inventions for feet as well.

Diet Soft Drinks

Diet soft drinks have only been invented, as far as I can tell, so that overweight people can order them along with their quadruple burger and extra portion of cheesy peanut butter fries.

Nodding Dogs in Cars

Is there a reason why these things even exist?

Chopsticks

I have a lot of time for the Chinese people and they have made some incredible contributions to the world but come on, this is definitely one of the worst inventions ever. If you asked 1,000 children to invent implements for eating with I bet that none of them would be as completely inappropriate for the lifting of pieces of food as a pair of sticks. I can only imagine that millions of Chinese groaned inwardly when they discovered that people in other countries used something sensible called the fork.

Roulette

Has anyone in a casino anywhere ever stopped to think that this is the single most ridiculous game in the history of the world? Someone throws a small ball round a spinning wheel and you have to bet on where it will stop. How the hell am I supposed to know that? You would be as well guessing where a cow is going to do a poop in a field.

Text Messages

If my street cred has recovered from the Twitter comments then it is about to take another hammering. Why oh why do some people spend all day spending messages to other people who are sitting less than 10 metres from them or whom they would ignore if they passed them in the street? As the world’s worst inventions go this one is right up there.

Musical Socks

Someone once bought me a pair of these for Christmas. Why?