Some women love it.  Some women hate it.  Some men think it’s great.  Some men think it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to relationships.  It’s Sex and the City.  Sarah Jessica Parker is Carrie Bradshaw, a New York author and whatever-the-shoe-version-of-bon-vivant-would-be, and she lays out some pearls of wisdom that, on any other show, would be really quite good.  The problem is that despite the wistful voice over that speaks Carrie’s deepest thoughts at the beginning and end of each episode that leads one to believe they might actually learn something about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness, the show itself flies in the face of anything any of us could relate to, practically speaking.  Is it because the relationships are so unlikely?  Because Samantha is such an over-the-top slut that it makes the whole damn show unbelievable?  Or is it because, even though Carrie cries poor a whole lot, she still manages to buy all those shoes?   Who knows?  All we do know is that people like to watch the show because it takes them OUT of reality.  So why try to give us realistic life advice?

“After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.”

If that’s the case, she should have stayed with Berger.  Because Aidan?  Not exactly a laugh a minute.  And Big…well, let’s just say Chris Noth doesn’t exactly keep us rolling.  Actually, this quote probably came along during the Berger episodes, but since he broke up with Carrie via Post-It note (hilarious!) we’re supposed to forget this little gem.  If she re-worded it later it should have been “After a while, you just want to be with the one who leaves you at the alter when you have a big bird pinned to your head.”

“That’s the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don’t need them anymore.”

She should have applied this philosophy to her shoe habit.  Just sayin’.

“No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”

Back to the friends thing.  Carrie’s best friends are a misanthropic, angst-ridden lawyer, a neurotic society doll, and an over-sexed woman who may be the shallowest person alive.  With friends like that…

“The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into and sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself.”

Obviously it’s her friends that she refers to as “family,” because the character Carrie Bradshaw lives a pretty much family-less existence on the show.  At some point it comes out that her parents split when she was five, and she may or may not have a sister.  Her “chosen” sisters, the “family she makes for herself” are Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha.  And, truth be told, most of the time Carrie loves Carrie more than she loves anybody else.

“The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.”

This is a truism that you might even be tempted to quote at times, like when your crush falls for your sister (or brother), when you get a parking ticket on a car that won’t start, when there’s a black fly in your Chardonnay, etc.

“You have to figure … if the world’s fattest twins can find love, there’s hope for all of us. Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us, and kiss our 3 heads and make it all better.”

Nice.  Real deep, Carrie.  While it’s true that love is possible for most, it’s less possible for fat twins?  At least you admit you’re a little freak.  Anybody who needs that many shoes is definitely a little weird.

“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”

Who isn’t?  But it’s shows like this that totally skew young impressionable minds into thinking that their “Mr. Big” will stop his philandering ways, that Mikhail Baryshnikov is just dying to make us his love bunny.  Maybe “calm, respectful, walk-to-the-mailbox-holding-hands” love is what we should really be looking for.

“When men attempt bold gestures, generally it’s considered romantic. When women do it, it’s often considered desperate or psycho.”

Let’s face it.  When men do it it’s called stalking.  When women do it it’s labeled “PMS.”  Get with the program, Carrie.

“When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?”

B.  Definitely Option B.  But most of us don’t sit around typing out philosophical crap about sex in the (what?) city when we’re really just consistently husband-hunting.  Woman empowerment my Aunt Fanny.

“Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.”

And successes.  And almost-theres.  And our good decisions.  Or maybe we just want to let ourselves off the hook for our bad decisions.

I guess the point is, nobody should use a TV show to gain some real truth, but in this case, you ESPECIALLY shouldn’t use Sex and the City.  Despite how smart Candice Bushnell makes Carrie seem sometimes.  Cosmopolitans, limos, and shoes do not a rounded woman make.