Vampires are back and bigger than ever, unfortunately largely due to what might be considered by some (come on, I’m sure I’m not alone here) to be rather unfavorable depictions. Vampires used to be scary, badass or just plain mean, and we were okay with that. But times have changed. Do we really want our children to grow up in a world where vampires are the pansies of the supernatural stable, sparkling in the sunlight and drinking down more angst than red stuff? I think not. I mean, your grandma would probably be able to steal the majority of today’s vampires’ blood money without a second thought. In short, today’s vampires suck, and not in a good way. Ready your stakes; it’s time to perform some mercy-slayings.