I love my dog. I love dogs. I love the prospect of one day retiring rich and happy, to a big mansion where I can keep about fifty dogs (hopefully in a legal way, but you’d be surprised how much I’m willing to risk for this lifelong dream). In fact, in a way I’m living my current life as a build up for this big moment. As degenerative as this sounds, I really need to emphasize on this part because of what I’m going to say next. I love dogs, but sometimes the possibility of getting in a car and driving as far away from possible from them can be very attractive. That’s because, for every heartfelt moment of companionship you share with your dog, you get an evening when you tiredly come home from work, only to find half of your shoe collection eaten. Get my point? It’s not easy being a dog owner simply because of how exhausting our canine fellows can be. But, fear not, all kinds of people have been questing for the answer to this never ending problem, and managed to find 7 Amazing Hacks For Every Dog Owner, that might just save us from lonely nights of carpet scrubbing.

1. Play Fetch Downhill

Yeees, yes, foolish mortal creature, get yourself in this endless loop of aimless ball chasing, while I comfortably sit back and gaze upon you with a sense of hoary wisdom and a glisten of malevolence. This is probably what it looks like from the outside, but before anyone comes to accuse you of torturing your dog, make sure to let them know that this exercise is an ideal way to tire it out faster. On second thought, this doesn’t really sound better, so I guess all you can do is hope you have a good lawyer.

2. Ball In Food Bowl

My dog has a tendency of eating as if her bowl hides an ancient black hole that, with each passing moment, feasts off her food and grows in power enough to blast her to pieces. But this fun trick looks like it might just do the trick of having her tone it down a little. All you need to do is toss a toy in your dog’s food bowl, and then he’ll be forced to move it around in order to find every last fleck of food.

3. Treat Dispenser Ball

Perhaps you’re on a tight schedule and don’t have the time to spare towards tending to every little whim your dog has. But, since you love him, you genuinely want to do it, even if it’s a totally unimportant thing like — oh, I don’t know — eating. Fear not, for this DIY solution will get your dog both the exercise he needs and some tasty treats to get him through the day. Grab your scissors, dissect the nearest ball, stuff some treats inside, and then have fun picking them up from all over your house if the dog decides he’s not hungry.

4. Ice Cake

So, in case you couldn’t care less about random people who may or may not believe you’re torturing your dog, here’s another way to make yourself appear even more suspicious to the eyes of an outsider. Take some toys, some chicken, and anything else your dog holds dearest, then freeze them solid in a block of ice and have him lick his way to them. There are no guarantees that there won’t be any brain freezes involved, or that your dog’s tongue won’t be needing some rehab afterwards. But, hey, this is a good way to teach him that nothing in life is easy, and that you have to work your way towards your goals. I’m sure he’ll understand.

5. Laundry Basket Car Seat

This hack is excellent for anyone who was blessed enough to be the owner of a dog who can actually be persuaded into playing nice for the duration of a car ride. If you want a safe and comfortable haven for your pooch during the road trip you have planned ahead, grab the nearest laundry basket and get started. Wrap a blanket around a pillow, lay it inside the basket, and coil the rest of the blanket around the edges. Your dog will be happy. Otherwise, if you can’t even make your dog stop barking at the passing trees for a moment, and he already spilled all of your coffee in your lap while trying to get to your sit, just ignore this.

6. Drawer Dog Bed

We want our dogs to be as cozy as possible. Unfortunately, most of the time that implies voluminous dog beds and crates that are just impossible to fit into the layout of your home. So how about you just shove him in a night desk instead? No, not like that, take the drawers out first. There is plenty of room, both vertically and horizontally, and it’s a guaranteed way to avoid tripping over your dog while you’re on your way to serve the Thanksgiving turkey.

7. Peanut Butter For Nail Trimming

The more I go through this article, the more I’m beginning to wonder if there’s something wrong with my dog. How can some people be lucky enough to be able to distract their dog during nail trimming with a good, old spoon of PB? Either way, this can work for two reasons: your dog’s just a giant peanut butter lover, so you’ll be making his day by serving him. Or, respectively, it could work because it’s well known that PB’s texture often leaves dogs chewing and attempting to lick it off their teeth for hours. So you’re basically distracting him from the horrors of nail trimming by gluing his teeth with peanut paste and leaving him deal with it by himself. Sweet!

There was an obvious tone of satire slithering through the lines of this article, but truth is: all of these ideas are ingenious and are indeed 7 Amazing Hacks For Every Dog Owner. Obviously, it varies from one pet to another. What might work for one dog, could prove pointless to another, but it never hurts to try, does it?

Image sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.