Cakes tend to be tasty if rather dull things. After all, how many exciting ways are there of presenting some sponge and a bit of cream? Quite a lot it seems, with some of them a lot stranger than others.

The Horror Cake

Good grief, what is that horrible thing on my cake? It looks like a cross between Frankenstein’s monster and my Uncle George after a long night down at the local pub. Who in their right mind would want to bite into a strange cake like this knowing that they are going to have nightmares for the next couple of nights?

The Skull Cake

When I was a kid I used to eat little chocolates in the shape of skulls with some form of sugary pink gunk in them. This worrying habit went a long way towards turning me into the tooth cavity riddled and slightly unbalanced person I am today, so all I can do is warn you to keep your kids away from weird stuff like this. Generally speaking, I am all for the use of skulls in food products but this one is just a bit too lifelike for my liking.

The Toilet Cake

Who in their right mind gives a friend or relative a cake in the form of a toilet with stuff floating in it? That’s right; absolutely no one. Can you imagine even going to a cake maker and saying, “So, I want the turds in it to be as realistic as possible. Like, really horrible”. This is one strange cake from a sick mind.

The Asparagus Cake

I know that every parent wants their kids to eat more vegetables but, trust me on this one, this isn’t the way. You see, it’s still cake they would be eating. Let me put it this way; if you mashed up a bunch of chocolate or hamburger grease and made it into the shape of a stick of broccoli it wouldn’t really be broccoli. Now, all of that leads me to ask what the freaking point of making an asparagus cake really is. Is it a birthday treat for an asparagus freak who has their whole house decorated with the stinking things? Vegetable should remain where they belong; unloved and unwanted on the supermarket shelves.

The Hamburger Wedding Cake

So, you’re going to get married. Congratulations on throwing the rest of your life and your ongoing happiness down the toilet. Anyway, now is the time to show your new partner what a sensible and steady sort of guy you are. Hmm, how will you do this? I know, instead of ordering a traditional, boring wedding cake you can order with looks like a hilarious giant hamburger. Yeah, that ought to help you start off married life in the right way.

The Severed Body Part Cake

If there is one thing sure to lift the spirits of anyone on their birthday it is the sight of a blood covered severed body part on their cake. Seriously, who would you even give a weird cake like this to? A mass murderer who can now look back and laugh as their past crimes? A crap doctor who likes a giggle at the body parts he has inadvertently chopped off over the years?