A long time ago, in a universe far far away from our contemporary world, somebody realized people didn’t shower much (probably because they didn’t have showers) and they reeked. Basically. So that brilliant genius created perfume, as a means to the glorious end of making somebody smell nice, like flowers, fruits or summer rain blessing green heavenly pastures. And then everybody looked at that genius and decided they wanted more. And this is how an industry was born.

Joke aside, the history of perfumes is quite interesting to study and, as creepy as it is, the movie Perfume: The Story of a Murderer from 2006, touches some relevant points: people want to smell good as it seems others around them like to feel around their noses fine fragrances. However, some people just want to leave a stench behind and stink on purpose, and the industry jumped at their calling and created some…unique fragrances that can may blow your mind and your olfactory sensors. Like it’s not enough to not shower for a week, you have to wear a signature stench to be cool. So let’s see 5 perfumes to make you stink on purpose and maybe to use when you’re planning to be the only one in the audience at the next big rock concert you don’t want to share with the rest of the population.

5. Bordello Perfume Oil

Want to smell like a… professional? Or like you’ve just spent the last two hours in a Game of Thrones -ish W*-House? Perfect, because this perfume oil seems to be unisex and if you are curious enough to read the Amazon reviews, the first and the most appraising comes from a gentleman. The company – Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab – seems to have quite the success with this fragrance, described by the customers as a “Bold blend of fruit and booze”.

4. Vulva

Seriously, you want us to get into details? The title and description are self – explanatory enough and even too detailed. Not that we’d frown upon peoples’ tastes in fragrances but among the perfumes to make you stink on purpose, this one has to be the king of all fashion “statements”. For the sake of mankind, we hope this is unisex, too.

3. Lobster

Now, the Demeter Fragrance Library is probably the best place in the world where you can find a perfume to suit your tastes and needs, be them reeking of curry, shoes, pizza and so on. But this one with the Lobster Fragrance has something interesting to it. Say you buy this. Every time you feel like spending your month payment on a single lobster dinner, you sprinkle yourself with some of this perfume and pufff! cravings are gone. Together with your date, but that is not for us to judge. If you can eliminate food cravings by wearing dedicated perfumes (there are the ones with meat, hamburgers, sushi, barbeque and bacon, among others), this may turn into a revolutionary diet.

2. Fresh Cannabis

Make sure no cop smells you accidentally, as you might have some explaining to do regarding your taste in fragrances. Otherwise, it is perhaps the best perfume to wear in a club to pick – up people (some you like and cohorts of stoners you might not like so much) asking you for a joint, but hey, it’s a price to pay to coolness. This fragrance, however, can make you stink like a skunk so the picking – up plan may turn into a Forever alone meme on the Internet.

1. Cthulhu

Because why not, people? Why not wear a Cthulhu scent, among all the perfumes that make you stink on purpose? There is one about human secretions and bodily fluids we didn’t focused on, as we thought Vulva was enough. But Cthulhu is for the initiated, the special, the visionary. How can you get the honor to reek like a fictional horrific ancient oceanic monster, besides asking H.P. Lovecraft himself during a seance? Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab has the answer for you. And for $17.50, you’d better smell like Cthulhu so good, you would creep the soul of Lovecraft if he was alive.

Well we hope we gave you some pretty ideas on how to choose perfumes to make you stink on purpose. While that Bordello thing doesn’t sound bad, our hearts were gained by the sea monster. What would you like to wear? You know what, don’t answer that…