Do you remember the good old days when we only used to buy stuff that we really needed? Back then we only spent money on basic stuff like food, clothes and second hand Led Zeppelin cassettes.
These days you can buy pointless products that add nothing but a touch of extra stupidity to your life.
The Car Exhaust Grill
This is the single most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life, and I say that as someone who once willingly sat through a boxed set of Dynasty DVDs. Why let all that nasty, horrible smoke that comes out of your car go to waste when you can cook a healthy burger with it? Eh? What if I wanted lasagna or baked Alaska? Could it handle those bad boys? I very much doubt it. Also, what if you got stuck in traffic for, say, an hour and your burger turned into a piece of charcoal?
The Self Stirring Mug
If you just looked at that picture and thought, “ooh, that would be groovy, man” then can I start by reminding you that the 1970s ended quite some time ago. Apart from that, how busy a life could you possibly lead that would render you physically incapable of stirring your own freaking beverages? God made the Earth in 7 days and even he found a few seconds to dredge up the sugary sludge at the bottom of his celestial cappuccino. If your problem is a lack of strength to move your teaspoon in a circular motion against the negligible friction of a warm liquid then perhaps the exercise will do you good.
The Baby Food Processor
I almost bought a baby food processor when our little girl was born. My thought process went something like; got baby, need baby food processor. Hang on though; don’t I already have a full sized food processor at home? Like, yeah I do. Would it handle baby type food in the fast and efficient way it processes adult oriented meals and snacks? Um, so why would I need a pointless product like this as well.
The Vacuum Cleaner Hair Cutting System
Cutting your hair in an effective and safe way isn’t pointless at all. In fact, I would call it one of life’s most essential little jobs. Until baldness start to squeeze the life out of you with its death like grip you will want to avoid your follicles getting in your eyes and completely covering your ears, rendering you both ridiculous looking and oblivious to the sights and sounds around you. Having said all that, using a vacuum cleaner attachment to carry out this maintenance work is just crazy. You do know that they invented these things called scissors?
The Avocado Saver
My life used to be a mess. You see, I love avocados but I can’t eat a whole one and have no friends to share them with. As you can imagine, this led to my house very quickly being filled with rotting halves of avocados. I would make a small amount of guacamole then add the left over fruit (yes it’s a fruit, don’t call me out on this you or you’ll regret it) to the ever-growing pile. Thankfully, one day I found the answer. I threw out the god-damned bits I didn’t want.
The Air Conditioned Shoes
This is actually the only pointless product I would buy without a salesman having to press the cold steel of a loaded gun to my nether regions. You see, my feet do get over-heated at times and the resulting build-up of smell and moisture could only be released through, hey, air conditioned shoes. Maybe they’re not so pointless after all, although I still have some doubts.
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